Afraid To Love

Valentine's Day is right around the corner. This holiday is dreaded by some, adored by others, or ignored (usually) by me. I have never been a big fan of this uber commercialized holiday, but I realize it holds a lot of meaning for others. For many, this holiday is a reminder that they are alone. I didn't write this for those of you who are single, specifically. I wrote this for everyone, because even people in relationships can relate to the topic: being afraid to love.

Loving is every single human being's purpose.

One more time.

Loving is every single human being's purpose.

Regardless of your other life lessons and planned experiences in this, your purpose in every life is the giving and receiving of love. Why do we choose to learn this in every incarnation? Because it's not an easy lesson, to say the least. Love is something we must practice over and over again. Furthermore, we choose to learn it every life because our lives would be empty without it. Love is a vital energetic nutrient in our every day lives.

Love is the center of attention in our society- it permeates through our TV shows, movies, advertisements, and more. It seems as if everyone loves love, seeks love, and wants love; but so many people are afraid of love. Afraid to love. Even though people may be seeking a relationship, or in a relationship, they often fall short of loving. 

Perhaps you deeply wish to be in a long term relationship, but you are not actively dating or seeking a partner. This behavior comes up a lot in my practice; and I often gently goad clients, "Do you want to marry a pizza delivery person? Because that's likely the only person who will just show up on your doorstep!"

Maybe you're in a relationship, but you're not completely committed, open, vulnerable, or "in love". Sometimes our connection to our partners weakens over time, or was never strongly forged in the first place. One or both people are likely holding themselves back from loving fully; or the two people have simply fallen out of alignment.

Even though our society is obsessed with love, it seems as if we both seek and avoid it simultaneously. We tend to avoid things we are afraid of, this is our natural instinct; but why are we so afraid to love? We aren't.

"We can be afraid to love; but really, we are afraid of loss, heartache, and quarrel. We really do not fear love.

Live fearlessly in this way. Do not dismay over loss or heartache, for what little loss and heartache we feel, we gain so much more from loving."

-Cassandra

Are you trying to avoid loss by avoiding love? Rejection? Failure? Fighting? Are you afraid to begin a relationship because you're afraid to see it end? Have you grown resentful in your current relationship, and avoid loving because of it? Did you grow out of your partner, and decide to stay to avoid conflict?

It's silly how we avoid love or loving in an effort to avoid conflict, rejection, vulnerability, or (the list goes on). It's especially silly considering that love is the cure for most of the pain we feel. When we fear things which keep us from loving, we gum up the flow of the giving and receiving of love. This flow isn't just moving a vital energetic nutrient through us, this flow is part of our purpose. You must love your fears, fear cannot withstand the power of love.

We cannot develop a lasting bond with anyone if we are afraid to love. Vulnerability opens us to the flow of love.

We cannot release someone from our lives fully if we are afraid to love. Hatred and resentment settle deep within us, so we must release our former partners in love.

If we are in a state of love and loving, nearly any conflict is as easy as pie. Conflict is miserable because we withhold our love, and incite our defenses in an effort to protect ourselves.

What's ironic (hilarious, really) is that we avoid loving to avoid conflict, heartache, and endings; but because we avoid loving, we attract conflict, heartache, and endings! 

Isn't it silly?

Love is the cure to a great many discomforts. Love is the easiest way to get through the hardest problems. Love is the answer, but we insist on making it the question. 

Are you afraid to love? Of course not. You're afraid of pain. As Cassandra once said, "Fear of any kind is senseless." Don't be afraid to love, it's your purpose.

Read more about love here.

Learn more about my new program, Authentic Love & Partnership here.