A Modern Awakening
Our world is more noisy and distracting than it has ever been. Even living simply has it's modern complexities. Cars, radios, planes, construction, cell phones, storage units full of crap we don't need, chemicals, credit cards, mortgages, the stock market, jobs, college, the internet, television...with all these moving parts, it's a miracle we maintain any order at all. In fact, so much of our energy is dedicated to creating and maintaining order, we haven't time for much else.
So, when do we find time for our spirit? Where to we squeeze in spirituality, and spiritual development? How, seriously how, are we able to have a spiritual awakening in this modern world?
Would Jesus or Buddha have developed as masterfully in our modern world? Probably, they were pretty bad ass. Although, the rest of us may feel subpar to these prophets; they delivered similar messages: love is unparralleled, and we too can be bad ass.
Truly, truly, I say to you, He who believes in me, the works which I do he shall do also; even greater than these things he shall do, because I am going to my Father.
If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.
Awesome, I can do all the things Jesus did; and if I can control my mind, I'll naturally obtain wisdom and virtue. Check. I'll figure that out right after I wake up, feed my cats, put on my make-up, get dressed, clean, meditate real quick, rush to work, work all day, sit in traffic for 2 hours, somehow eat, go to class, come home, shower, meditate real quick again, and fall asleep....shit. ...can I figure it out in my sleep?
Maybe I could be a homeless, jobless, vagabond like them? I'll just quit my job, and dedicate my life to spiritual development. Except it's illegal to be homeless in California...and I'd likely get murdered on the streets; or my family would track me down, and throw me in a funny farm...shit.
So, how do you manage a spiritual awakening in the modern world? You. Just. Do. It.
...and write a book about how awkward, clumsy, surreal, and beautiful it is.
Below is an excerpt from the book I'm writing: A Modern Awakening
When will it be done? Right on time :)
I was on the phone, chain-smoking, pacing the sidewalk by my work. My back molars were bleeding from grinding my teeth, and the blood had been seeping down my throat all day, making me nauseous. My voice sounded foreign, like someone else’s, as I used all of my energy to sound like I was “okay”. If no one else could tell I was lost in space, then it wasn’t real; but I knew it was real, and that was the reason for the phone call.
A few months before this call, I had attended a leadership workshop about adrenaline hijacks compromising authentic communication and leadership. We learned about the subconscious roles we take on in times of stress. I played the hero, and I was really good at it. I was so good at it that I didn’t know who I was without it. Almost no one did. The workshop left me with a new awareness so strong there was no way I could return to who I was before. My pilot light went on, and all of a sudden, I was cooking with gas. It was if I had been playing cook in a child’s plastic kitchen my whole life. I would say I spiraled out of control; but I was never in control in the first place.
Leading up to this call, I had seen an Astrologist and Life Coach, and a famed local Tarot Card Reader. I had also experienced a major shift in friendships, entered a marriage begot of a highly instabile relationship, and started taking care of my Dad after a shocking heart attack. I was trying desperately to find time to get answers within my 60+ hour work weeks. Exhaustion doesn’t even to begin to describe how heavy I was. Looking back, I have no idea how I functioned.
I was on the phone making an appointment with Rachel, who I had just recently done a past life regression with. Somehow, I became obsessed with having that experience. One day, a customer had mentioned she had just been to a lady who did past life regressions- Rachel. This customer was not a regular, and almost all of my customers were. I rarely saw her before or after she referred me to Rachel, and I didn’t even know her name. As time passed, I realized it wasn’t important for me to do a past life regression, it was important for me to meet Rachel.
I began to lose control over my false “okayness” towards the end of the call, and found myself struggling to not slur. When I hung up, I had tears streaming down my face, my ears were ringing, and I could hear my breath. I asked out loud, “Please give me signs in animals, I don’t want anything scary. Just animals.” Now, hold the fuck on, because that came out of nowhere. I hadn’t once thought about asking that, wanting that, or that it was even possible. Honestly, I had no idea what I was asking for, or who I was asking.
I knew something was listening. I knew something was there to help me. I knew I wasn’t alone.
I couldn’t see it, I couldn’t feel it, and I couldn’t hear it; but I knew with a knowing as vast as the universe it was there. This something knew I was trying to communicate with it.
More importantly, I knew it was trying to communicate with me.
This isn’t how it started; but this is when I knew it had.